OK, here is the latest update after testing things over the last few days.
With help from petera, tuicemen and mike I at least have my emails sending.
Petera had informed of where the email account settings were stored - they are supposed to be in a file called systemconfig.xml (NOTE: if you decide to muck around with that yourself please make a backup of it first).
I manually edited the settings in that file to be what my ISP defined. I even tested them with an external tool on my pc called SMPT Diag Tool.
So what is strange is that the info I had manually edited in the systemconfig.xml file did not seem to be reflected in the "E-Mail Account" HG program (which I used mike's update to trigger an email on changing each field - this was most helpful).
Petera had suggested deleting each setting in the E-Mail Account Program (from the Options) one by one, then putting back in my real settings. I tried this a few times with no luck.
Finally this morning I tried this:
delete a setting, hit return, wait 30 seconds
tab to the next field
repeat to delete each field
when finished, Exit the Options
I then checked my systemconfig.xml file and nothing had changed - so not really sure what fields the E-Mail Account program is using vs what the systemconfig.xml file is storing and what the difference is.
Then I went back into the E-mail Account Options and did this:
enter in a value for the E-mail address field, hit enter and wait 30 seconds.
with mike's change to that program I got a notification that an email was not sent.
I tabbed to the SMTP mail server address field
entered in my value, hit return and waited 30 seconds
this time I got an email sent notification and after a few seconds I did receive an email
I checked my systemconfig.xml file and nothing in it had changed - all the fields still had the same values as before.
Then I tabbed to the next field (SMTP username) and entered a value, hit enter and waited 30 seconds. No notification about an email sent or not, and no email received.
I decided to try the remaining fields - entering a value and waiting 30 seconds between each. Nope - still no notification and no email.
checked the systemconfig.xml file again, all my fields still have the same values.
At this point I was thinking I should have just stopped once I received an email
So back to step one again.
Cleared out each of the fields in the E-Mail Account Options, one by one deleting the field and waiting 30 seconds then tab to the next field and did the same.
Exited the Options.
Went back into Options,
Entered in my email address, hit return, waited 30 seconds. Got notification that email was not sent
tabbed to the SMTP server address field. Entered in my value, hit enter, waited 30 seconds. Got notification that email was sent and after a few seconds I did receive the email.
Then I stopped - exited the Options screen. Which at this point only has my email address and SMTP server address - all the other fields are blank.
checked the systemconfig.xml file again - all the fields have values (even the ones that are blank in the E-Mail Account Options screen).
I then inactivated the E-Mail Account program (it is not running) and activated the Smart_Emailer program.
Went to the Dashboard in HG, opened the settings for one of my lights and checked the Enable Emails setting, saved. Turned the light on from HG and got the email
Not sure why the systemconfig.xml settings and the E-Mail Account options do not match, nor why my email sends with only the email account and smtp server address defined in the Email Account Options but it is working now.
Good time to make a back up.
Thanks for everyone's help.