Welcome to the forum
astrothug Nice to see you've been doing some reading!
here are the answers:
1: Most of the regulars will recommend X10 you just can't beat the price! No homeautomation is plug & play no mater what the web site states!
But since you've been reading you most likely know the common issues and how to fix!
2: Most people complain first. It is human nature. It isn't stupid people, maybe it is just doing stupid things (even I'm guilty of that)!
After all how many people actually read manuals until something goes wrong? Probably less then read them at all!
3: Most if not all here will recommend getting the ActiveHome Pro suit (all Plug-in bundle) you may not need it all but to get part afterwards will make you kick yourself!
You don't need to get the DS7000 security console if you have Onalert (plug-in for AHP included in the bundle I mentioned) and keep a PC on 24/7. But it adds some extra stuff!
You will want some door window sensors some and appliance modules!
You'll need the VA11A or VA12A video adaptor to view cameras in AHP!
Once you have that you'll want to look at some third party software to do things AHP can't like play sounds, responded to Voice recognition, get weather or other stuff.