Perhaps the Alchemy Power Inc. - Pi-Zero-UpTime. UPS for Pi or other USB devices in a Pi-Zero size. Works with Pi Zero, Pi-3, Pi-2 etc. with 40 pin header on Amazon? (I'd meant to post a link, but I'm not allowed.)
Thing is: Looks like you have to mount it directly to the RPiZW if you want power fail and low battery monitoring, so I don't know how you'd cleanly case the result, and the runtime appears to be a mere 45 minutes or so.
Re: "[Becoming] a monster": Agreed. What sense needing a UPS that's more expensive than the board, and ten times the size, and requires a USB port multiplexer, and, and, and...? Are these RPiZW's really that twitchy on power loss, that they have a high probability of trashing their SD cards? If so: I suggest the design isn't useful as anything other than an educational device or toy. I'm not certain I'd want to base my home automation on it.